Saturday, August 7, 2010

Follies and Concerns

I wake up in the morning, not feeling like P. Diddy, but more like a disillusioned child who is ready but can't believe she is really beginning college in 15 days. Yes, I said child. I have so much life to live and I do have certain aspirations that I am extremely anxious to fulfill, but... I am plagued by self-doubt, fears of inadequacy and inexperience. I'm going to miss my friends unyielding amounts!!! I know everyone raves about how college you make your friends for life and though this could easily be true, they were not the ones I grew up with for the last eight years; the people I can attribute my happiness to; my best friends that never allowed me to fall without being there to catch me.
I suppose it comes down to the reality that I simply do not want to be severed from what I know and am secure with.

On the other hand, college will probably be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I'm really, really striving to pick up my blogging habits again; especially when I'm in school. For the few people that read this blog, you have been amazing supporters and advice-givers! I feel obligated to share the journey because I thrive off your feedback. This summer has been an absolute whirlwind! First it was the ultimate leap through final exams which were the worst of my high school career, then I went through the highs of graduating, reciting my well-taken commencement speech, have my snarling look of enthrallment photographed and slapped on the front of the local newspaper, partied my way through the end of June and beginning of July, then juggled my life with two jobs to buffer my bank account (still working one job, the other ended), my mother had total knee-replacement surgery, running and trying to keep up with a training schedule because I've joined a Division III cross-country team, failed my road test for the fourth time (No lie. I am going to college without a license...), went to the drive-in way less than I had planned, still shopping and preparing for college life but feeling eternally unprepared and constantly struggling to find time to see my friends as they go through similarly demanding shit.

That is summer twenty-ten in a nutshell. Definitely not what I was hoping for, but what more can I ask? This life has been good to me.

'til we meet again,
Nicole :]

2 comments:

natalie said...

I really hope you continue your blog even through all of the crazyness of college! Even if it's just one post every month or something, haha. I just like to hear what all's going on in the life of Nicole :) And it certainly sounds like your summer has been insanely busy! I can't even fathom what it's like having just 15 days until... college. The thing that these past 12 years of schooling has been for. That's insane. I hope that, even without your amazing best friends there with you, college really will be the best thing ever. :D

Allison said...

Now that I've graduated from college, I can honestly tell you that it IS possible to keep your friends from high all throughout college. Is it more difficult? Absolutely - but there are winter breaks, spring break, SUMMER, and fun weekend trips to see your friends from high school. Plus, now with Skype and iChatting, it makes it 100% easier to keep in touch. But honestly, you'll be absolutely amazed how close you can get to people in just one year of college.
It's a scary time, a fun time, and a time of really big changes in your life. Trust me, at just the end of this year, you're going to be absolutely amazed at how much you've grown.
Shoot me an email anytime you feel like you need to vent your frustrations, fears, anything - I don't know exactly how you're feeling, but I've been through college and survived, and I'm here for you, girl! :)