A Train Wreck of Opportunity

Sometimes I doubt if I am carpe diem-ing (i.e., seizing the day) to the extent that I should be. There's a part of me that immensely enjoys the comfort of routine and familiarity; heading to my favorite bar every Monday evening for live jazz, grocery shopping for sales on Tuesday with acquainted cashiers, half days of work on Friday so I can be up early to build on Saturday, and so on. The adventures are not as significant, but punctuated in between to keep things interesting. My nearly six completed months of (pseudo) independent living in the Berkshires has opened unexpected connections and experiences, and it seems like I've been here longer.

Another part of me is constantly restless and skeptical of feeling too settled in. What am I missing? What else is out there? What more could I be doing? These revolving wonders have always been part of my mind. It's a love and hate relationship, because for all my dreams, I often wish I could just be satisfied with what is. Even more, change wrecks me when it occurs because I so easily fall in love with places and people, yet I thrive on the endless possibilities of what could be next.

I'm truly thankful that my first professional work experience relates to my ethical commitments: social advocacy, community development, and creating human connections. It's fulfilling to be part of a larger mission to serve others. Yet as I reach the half-way point of my AmeriCorps VISTA term, these tough decisions are being laid on the table; I'll have to decide if I'm going to renew my contract after August. Perhaps I won't leave the Berkshires, but I can't deny my lofty aspirations of being in New York City, D.C., out on the West Coast, or maybe abroad again! Nonetheless, that kind of relocation would be contingent on a salaried job. Even after this year, will I have enough experience under my belt to qualify against others?

There's another deck to lay on the table: graduate school. Going into my senior year of undergrad, I was too starry-eyed from China and slightly burned from classes to directly continue my education. However, I knew it wouldn't be long before I was eager to research again and return to the realm of academia. I become enthralled when I collect facts, clips, data and suddenly see a narrative to share with others. This is something I will want to return to in the next few years.

I understand that I can't dive into grad school recklessly; a masters or doctorate program should be intentional and a catalyst into another professional level. As for the fields of study, at the moment I'm feeling passionate about a masters in journalism (investigative or international), public policy (focus on food policy), or a PhD in cultural studies (the curve ball, I know!). With these types of degrees, I envision myself with capabilities and qualifications to influence the world around me, but I can't influence everything, so I need to focus on one area. There's conflict here between conventional vs. abstract modes of influence, meaning I can't decide if I believe in working more with people and words on the individual micro-level, or if I can crusade into abstract policy and cause change on the institutional macro-level. Another question I need hashed out is if it's in my advantage to pick that special interest area and become an expert first, and then venture into journalism/policy/research, or do I pursue the general degree and specify from there? Unsurprisingly, my indecisiveness and unwillingness to be another $100,000 in debt will hold me up for a bit. Oh, and I need to take my GRE (the SAT-equivalent for graduate school) ... which I'm hoping to tackle before the summer!

So here I just attempted to unpack my convoluted thinking, the pending train wreck of potential opportunities that I have to navigate. This is why I have a hard time talking about these decisions, but at least you have it in writing. To continue with the train metaphor, the matter for me now is to see if I can align the tracks. There must be a way that merges pragmatic considerations (financial obligations, professional development, human relation logistics) and self-fulfillment (moral considerations, intellectual stimulation, emotional stability). Honestly, this is entirely dizzying to consider! I'm going to drop it now.

Now, to the fun stuff I normally blog about!!!

Like I said, working with Habitat has been a blast. We definitely have our daily disasters, but it always amazes me how much we accomplish. I just posted a blog on our website about a holiday party from the beginning of the month. We invited all of our different volunteers to a lavish house that was donated to the organization, and celebrated our work with delicious food and booze.  I whipped up a batch of coconut macaroons that could make any day feel like a celebration, so check it out! And here are some snazzy photos from the party (mainly of my friends and I, the rest of the photos are on the Central Berkshire Habitat Facebook page):

Team Habitat in the Berkshires!

As the Volunteer Engagement Coordinator, building with volunteers keeps me out of the office and busy. It's also freezing this time of year and we are very close to wrapping up our outdoor projects. I really appreciate the commitment of our builders to join me in the cold every weekend! I had a wonderful time this past Monday on the Martin Luther King Jr. Day of Service when we partnered with the City of Pittsfield and Berkshire Community College. We had our first volunteers tear up the interior of a house that we're rehabilitating for a new Habitat family. I finally bought a pair of women's construction gloves that fit, so tomorrow will be the first test run for those!

This is the same ramp from the previous post. It's covered in snow but still needs a hand rail and skirting around the bottom. If only the weather would cooperate!

For the rehab, we tore out filthy carpets, broken counter tops and appliances, and cracked away at rotting tile floor like this. We're going back to the house tomorrow to move all the debris to the dump (should be interesting).

My holiday in Florida -- across Christmas and New Year's with my parents and my brother Chris's family -- seems ages ago already. I find Florida quite bizarre and I can't stand humidity, but there is something to be said for a beach, sunshine, and sandals all year! Nevertheless, I willingly venture outdoors to meander, hike, and ski. As long as I dress warmly.

[Note: Western Massachusetts. Not Florida.]

As much as I drive myself insane with these scintillating thoughts, I acknowledge my privilege of simply being able to make these types of decisions, in a world that is so riddled with injustice and inequality. And I'm endlessly thankful for having people that support me whichever way I go.

Listening: New England Public Radio (NEPR) jazz programming. Having a radio with quality speakers (thanks Tom!) is the best.

Massachusetts Overture

I'm having a hard time catching up on my blog because there's too many great things happening. So much has happened between VISTA pre-service orientation in Cambridge (north of Boston) and now, just having finished my first full month at Central Berkshire Habitat for Humanity! Needless to say, I'm finally settled in and love exploring the Berkshires. I'm still trying to adjust to the proximity and convenience of everything; ten minutes in any direction and I can grocery shop, go to the mall, chill out to jazz at a tapas bar, dig into wings at a cozy tavern, swim and kayak in two lakes, attend a stage production, pour through museum works, walk through state forests and parks, or hike some of the state's highest peaks. For a small city on the rise from a post-industrial recession, Pittsfield is treating me well.

AmeriCorps VISTA training was at the Hyatt in Cambridge. This was my view of the Charles across to Fenway and downtown Boston. Between long sessions on capacity-building and eliminating poverty in the U.S., we were spoiled with classy rooms and scrumptious meals.

Although training was only three days, I met an inspiring batch of VISTAs who are serving throughout the northeast. Our focus areas include neighborhood revitalization like my own, housing, military and veteran families, education, and sustainable lifestyles. My ultimate takeaway was that even though poverty poses a tremendous challenge, every gesture can make a difference. How we help one another at the human level is just as important as more abstract action at the policy level.

Onota Lake, five minutes from my Pittsfield apartment.

My first assignment with Habitat? Selling charity raffle tickets at the local baseball park on a glorious summer evening that had one of the best turn-outs of the season (and fireworks).

Office views.
I love this paperweight that a family friend gifted.

My housemate, Elsa, is also an AmeriCorps VISTA at Central Berkshire Habitat. Her focus is on family services, whereas mine is on volunteer engagement. I've had a blast living with her so far. We make it a point to simply do things after work, like stroll around the woods, visit our friends, cook 'fancy' dinners, and revel in our selective frugality. It's not too bad!  

Another fantastic point of Pittsfield is that my former St. Lawrence Habi housemate, Luke, also lives here and works with me! I may have explained this already, but he's the primary reason I ever considered my VISTA position. It's pretty awesome to work with him.He and his girlfriend Emma (who I was also friends with at college) live on another small lake called Pontoosuc. This is the dreamy view from their dock across the lake and off to Mount Greylock in the north. It's the highest point in Massachusetts, but I still haven't hiked it.

As seen on one of my bi-weekly drives south to Great Barrington for ultimate frisbee pick-up games.

Hard to resist an afternoon roll with views like this (far side of Pontoosuc).

A pine-filled park along Pontoosuc where I brought my parents two weekends ago. It was muggy that week, but the weather is finally sinking into sweater season.

Labor Day weekend was celebrated with more lazy lake time and a hike up Monument Mountain, just south of Stockbridge. A quickie but with interesting trails, good company, and wonderful views.

A historical home at an arboretum in Pittsfield.

Pitt Park, which wraps around our office. Things are significantly quieter now that summer camp is over and kid's are in school.

Elsa and her dad strolling through a nice fountain park that is unfortunately placed in a very busy portion of downtown.

I hope these images grant some sort of vision of my time here so far. If you can't get enough of my rambling, I invite you to also check out my blog post that was posted on the Central Berkshire Habitat page. Onward to more adventures!

Listening: "The Last Day" by Moby

Adios to 5118

I have been alive and thriving in Massachusetts over five weeks now! But first, just a few photos of the house I will miss so much in Honeoye, for the record:

Kristen came to see me off that morning. She's the best.

One last barn portrait.

Since my departure, my parents have been toiling away to remove material items. They squeezed in a visit to me last Sunday and said that it no longer quite feels like a home without it all. They've signed the legal documents and will be closing the door to our home at 5118 Old West Lake Road for the final time on Friday morning.

I'll be in a car on the way to Boston, dreaming of my past life and moving toward my future one.

Listening: "Nevermind the End" by Tei Shi

Summer Occupations

Busy weeks are better weeks.

I have a weekly routine to dine and wine with my two best friends here at home. Two weeks ago, we made stir-fry; last week was zucchini and potato pancakes (below); yesterday was chili. Kristen and Caitlan work full-time, so I'm always thankful to catch up with them and kick back. And laugh our asses off or commiserate about all the bizarre things going on in town.

Then, on Friday I rode with Eric, a classmate, Ruckus Bus teammate, and good friend from the Finger Lakes, six hours east on I-90 and the on Massachusetts Pike to the suburbs of Boston. We crashed at another teammate's house then reunited with the rest of the Ruckus Bus on Saturday morning for a tournament in Keene, New Hampshire. I actually didn't take many photos of the day because my phone battery was zapped from all the Google Mapping, but it was a glorious weekend for ultimate frisbee!

We actually had enough St. Lawrence-affiliated people to field two teams: Varsity and JV Quarters (yes, in reference to the drinking game--!). The tournament is hosted by the Keene State alumni though there were many high school teams. They were pretty ridiculous to play; they have athleticism, but their knowledge of the game, immaturity, and 17-year old egos were something to combat. The sun was relentless and us four ladies basically marked boys for the day, though our loss in the quarterfinals was by a close margin. Man, I've missed hustling around yelling, "Here we gooo, BUS!" That was the most frisbee (and movement) I've played in over a month, so needless to say, my body did not react kindly.

After our other team, JV Quarters, won the tournament and the $300 pot, we split into groups going separate ways. That was hard. Initially it just felt like the end of a tournament, and then we'd all head back to school, loaf and campus, and return to class Monday sore but pleased... so yeah, that's sad this isn't the case anymore. It'll become easier with time.

As for me, I headed to Zach's family house on Mononomac Lake near the NH/MA border. The lake is small, but the properties around it are breathtaking. His family graciously offered hot showers and waited to eat dinner, which was steak with chive-horseradish butter, asparagus, pasta salad, and beer and wine. They also let me sleep on the second-floor master bedroom with the balcony, which meant a rousing 5 AM wake-up for the sunrise and subsequent risings every hour after that, but I am not complaining!

The lake house was a perfect way to unwind after playing. It was another dreamy weekend. I know I'm always pronouncing my love for the Ruckus Bus, but I've played with a few different groups now, and there's nothing like them (us). I loved how Zach explained it to his aunt, when she inquired why and how we all knew each other: "It's because St. Lawrence is in the middle of nowhere, so we all become weirdly obsessed with each other." It's true; we'll go hours out of the way, dish hundreds of dollars, and wreck our bodies for the sake of the sport and camaraderie.

  

Since I was away Saturday night, I missed dinner with my siblings. Luckily I was back for actual Father's Day and my mom saved a few lobsters and grilled shrimp. Hats off to this old (ha!) man who I couldn't love more. Despite my stubbornness (which I learned from him, no?), he has always tried to provide me the best opportunities and advice. I hope everyone had time to appreciate the father figures in their lives!

Listening: "The D Bag Rag" by the Avett Brothers off of A Carolina Jubilee (2003)

Hammertime Work Weekend

Humans need to unplug and get their hands dirty every now and then. It was such a relief to break away from job hunting on my laptop and spend the weekend in Syracuse, where my dear friends Kate and Mike just bought a house and organized a work party. Kate and I have been close since freshmen year, meeting on the cross-country team (and subsequently deserting haha). Mike graduated in 2012 but introduced me to the St. Lawrence theme house community when I moved into the Habitat for Humanity house and joined the Habi family.

They landed a great deal on this house in the Tipperary Hill Irish neighborhood. After a revelatory house inspection, they bargained the price down even further because of all the repairs and remodeling necessary. In the week since Kate and Mike have moved in, they've stripped all the carpets to uncover old hardwood flooring, repainted the kitchen, tore apart rounded door archways--and there's a lot to go to make the quaint house into their home! We joked that we were slave labor for the weekend, but they really put us to work. With the help of family members, we scrubbed, primed, and repainted the entire house all on Saturday, then moved a U-Haul truck load of furniture.

Before (they test-painted the front of the house before we arrived)

During

After! 

The best part was reuiniting with other Habi house mates that I haven't seen in two years, and feeling like hardly anything's changed. School semesters split those four months of the year up and make it fly by, they said. So the guys feel a bit older, but we still "raised the rod" together and partied our way through the neighborhood. We ventured to the city for the Taste of Syracuse festival, watched an Allman Brothers cover band and Blues Traveler for a bit, then went on a bar crawl.

Enjoying craft beer and local restaurant offerings at Taste of Syracuse.

The lead musician of Blues Traveler killing it on the harmonica! You definitely know their '94 single "Run Around."

We didn't make it to all the bars in the neighborhood--four of which are in immediate walking distance--but it was still hilarious. A random man who works for Wells Fargo came over to us and wanted to learn how to play quarters, and subsequently crushed Luke in a boat race (what?).

Bar selfies with the team!

The kitchen was a heinous shade of yellow (and yellow is my favorite color) that they've since toned down with white. The sink is an old-school metal unit they're keeping and updating with new faucets.

Contemplating furniture arrangements. We slept on an area rug and sleeping bag for the prior two nights.

In spite of sore shoulders and dehydration, it was a thrill to be part of this new chapter in their lives. Plus, I'll always have a place to stay in 'Cuse! Now it's back to my career-launching mission (more like stumbling into), though at least tonight I'm starting an ultimate frisbee summer league. More updates, reviews, and summer food cooking to come.

Listening: "Run Around" by Blues Traveler